10 Tips for Having the Hottest Married Sex of Your Life (Starting Tonight)

It really is true what they say – sex is good for your soul, not to mention your body and mind. Having great sex (and plenty of it) is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship or marriage as well, especially over the long haul. Plus, life just seems better on every level when you’re having plenty of fulfilling sex, so it only makes sense that people are constantly looking for ways to make their sex lives even better than they already are.

That being said, whether you’re actually looking to raise the bar on your current sex life or just want to know how to make sure a great married sex life continues to get even better, you’ve come to the right place. Having the best married sex ever is easier than you think and it’s something that can start right now if you’re up for it. The following tips can help. Where will you and your partner be starting?

1. Bring issues up for discussion sooner rather than later.

Contrary to popular belief, happy couples experience just as many sticking points, rough patches, and dry spells as everyone else. The difference lies in how they deal with them. When something feels off about sex your life, don’t simply ignore the problem in the hopes that it will get better on its own. First, figure out what it is about your current sex life that’s bothering you. Then sit down with your partner and talk things out in a loving, mature way. Before you can make your sex life better, you need to figure out together why it needs improvement in the first place.

2. Put together a strategy for making things better.

Once you’ve figured out what you’d like to see change or improve about your sex life, it’s time to come up with an action plan. Have things been feeling a little too routine lately? Take turns adding things you’ve always wanted to try to an ongoing “sexual bucket list” and challenge yourselves to check off a minimum of one item per month or week. Is one of you having trouble reaching orgasm consistently? Add a sex toy or two to your repertoire. Just not having sex often enough? Try getting down and dirty first thing in the morning or any time other than bedtime.

3. Get comfortable speaking up in the bedroom.

Most people aren’t necessarily in the mood for the exact same thing every single time they have sex and it’s unlikely you’re any different. Sometimes you want it quick and dirty, but other times, you’re in the mood for slow and sensual. Some nights nothing but full intercourse will do, but other nights you’re totally in the mood for a little oral or manual stimulation instead. On nights you’re really craving something in particular, communicate that to your partner in a flirty or naughty way and encourage them to do the same. Make sure you keep the lines of communication open as you make love so your partner knows when something’s really working for you as well. Don’t worry if you’re not exactly talkative during sex. A well-timed moan or the occasional “oh yeah” do the job just as well. 

4. Master your partner's favorite sexy activities.

Sex is like anything else worth doing in life. It’s a learnable skill and absolutely anyone can become a master at it. All it takes is time, dedication, and a willing spirit. Rome wasn’t built in a day though, so start by learning to become a five-star master at the things you know really get your partner going. Whether that means mastering the fine art of the blow job or learning how to ride your partner like a boss in their favorite position, you can bet your efforts will be appreciated. Then you can move on to the next thing (and the next, and the next). 

5. Pencil in a little solo time.

Just about everyone masturbates from time to time, even people in happy marriages, and that’s as it should be. Indulging in the occasional self-love session is a great way to relieve tension and manage any pent-up sexual energy in need of release. It’s a wonderful way to keep your libido nice and high as well, especially during dry spells or periods of separation from your partner. Think of your solo sessions as dress rehearsals for the real thing. Use them to discover new ways your body likes to be touched, take new sex toys for a test run, or anything else that strikes your fancy. Then apply everything you’ve learned to playtime with your spouse.

6. Become adept at both giving and receiving.

Terrific married sex is a two-way street all the way. Both of you deserve to be 100% happy with your lovemaking on every level and that means striking a perfect balance between giving and receiving. Yes, you’re entitled to world-rocking sex that leaves you fully satisfied and grinning from ear to ear, but the same goes for your partner. The best way to get the sex you really want to be having is to give your partner the same thing. Become experts at not only asking for what you want, but moving heaven and earth to give your beloved what they want as well.

7. Hit the gym more often.

Making it a point to exercise regularly won’t just keep you healthy and help you live longer. It’s also one of the best things you can do for the quality of your sex life for a number of reasons, so if you’re not already taking steps to keep fit, it’s officially time to start. Regular workouts help you build strength, stamina, and flexibility – all qualities that come in handy when it’s time to get down and dirty. It doesn’t exactly hurt that it helps you look your best either. When you feel sexier, more confident, and more desirable, you’re in the mood for sex more often. You’re also more likely to try new things or to have sex in ways you never considered before. (“Lights on” sex for the win!)

9. Get serious about exploring your fantasies.

Like sex toys, sexual fantasies fun when you keep them all to yourself, but they can work magic when you share them with a partner. Sharing and exploring your fantasies together can deepen your sexual connection to your partner, as well as keep things from getting boring. Plus, actually acting out pet fantasies together is the ultimate act of trust and intimacy. Get started by sitting your partner down for a fantasy swap session. (The only absolutely necessary ground rules are “keep an open mind” and “no judgment”!) Take turns sharing and then make a list of options you’d both be willing to try in real life. When things get stale, you can pick something from the list to spice things back up. Alternatively, you can each take turns surprising each other with a treat from the fantasy list on special occasions or any time you could both use a pick-me-up.

10. Connect with your partner outside the bedroom.

Your sex life and the overall quality of your relationship with your spouse go hand in hand. Yes, having better sex a lot more often will bring you closer together as a couple for sure, but the inverse is also true.  Make sure your sex life stays red hot by spending time connecting with each other on a one-to-one basis outside of the bedroom. What you choose to do together can be anything from a weekly Wednesday hike to a Netflix binge every Sunday afternoon, so long as it’s something you both enjoy doing just the two of you. (No kids, family members, or friends allowed!) Schedule it the way you would any other important appointment if you have to. Just make it priority and make it happen. Your libido (and your marriage) will thank you for it!